Surviving
Trevor Groves
Words
I could stand if I had to without you
I could stand alone
but nothing would get across
nothing could move
I’d be half a damn suspension bridge
hanging in cartoon space
pulling on air
when I wrote this I wasn’t in a coffee shop
working out what I was going to say about you
in a poem on stage in three minutes flat
I had a flat blocking traffic on the Lion’s Gate bridge
waiting for help killing time no spare no jack
thinking would I survive the dive
the salt smack concrete kiss of sea?
what are my odds at this height these currents that temperature?
what are my odds without you?
I could survive but what’s the good of just surviving?
after the rush of emergency only injuries dull recovery
piling up heart beats
ripping up diaries for fuel to heat up tasteless rations
signaling distress with domestic mess on the bed on the floor
rumpled clothes shouting in semaphore HELP SOS MAYDAY
I need you I need you I got to get something started
and you’re my only match
remember St. Pauls? my bipolar expedition
to the headwaters of my pain
they wouldn’t let me join the crew for the trip back
without the s e c r e t p a s s w o r d s
but it wasn’t true I didn’t want to die I just didn’t
want to live anymore like that out there
near the finish I call you up almost happy
to let you know I can see the end of wilderness
and I really think I’m going to make it out alive
but you know I have a strange sense of humour:
hello? This is Dr. Bad Impersonation Of
are you Mrs. Waiting Anxiously
wife of Mr. On The Edge?
well I’m sorry but he really is on the edge
of the roof of the hospital yes
he says he’s going to jump
dead air free fall eternity
I expect you to laugh say
you’re such a fucking idiot
when are you coming home?
dead air free fall
eternity before I can make you understand
I’m joking about it because now I can
you are why I’m still alive
just living’s never been the point
so ya I could make do if anything happened to you
I’d have to
but making do isn’t making anything at all
getting by
would just take me past what I want
which is you and me and now
and this thing we built
that helps us hold each other up
so love can crawl
bumper to bumper
day in day out
In the rushed hours and speeding years
over the gap that fails
to divide us
Creators
Trevor Groves
Trevor Groves is a Vancouver poet, songwriter, occasional slammer. He has performed in vocal groups such as The Next and House of Song and was a regular presence on the Vancouver slam scene for a number of years. His content covers diverse topics, including politics, mental health, and the human condition. Lately, Trevor has taken up the ukulele, affectionately dubbed “Metal Spike”, which has become a new accompaniment as he merges his various talents into wild, wacky, and wonderful ways of just being him.